When it comes to dating, it’s a rare and beautiful thing to come across someone new and instantly feel a connection. But after that initial connection, it is important to understand your partner’s personality type in order to get involved in a deep and meaningful relationship with that person. For example, if you are an extrovert, there are a few things that you need to know about dating an introvert. I’m an introvert myself, and believe me, having an understanding of this personality type can definitely help you out in the long run. Introversion is a personality trait that describes people who tend to pay more attention to their internal thoughts and feelings than any external stimuli. While introverts and extroverts are often portrayed as being extreme opposites, the truth is that everyone is on a spectrum, and most people are not on the extreme of one trait or the other. Introversion is not the same as shyness, contrary to common assumption. It is more about one’s focus on internal thoughts. Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist whose work has also been influential in anthropology, archaeology, religion, literature, and philosophy. Jung introduced the concept of archetypes which he believed to be tendencies that people are born with that influence their behavior. According to Jung, an introvert is comfortable with their inner thoughts and feelings, so they view the world in terms of how these thoughts and feelings impact them. Extroverts feel more comfortable with the world of stimuli, objects, and other people, and are therefore more concerned with their effect on the world. While introverts may prefer to alone time because this is how they recharge, extroverts get their energy from being around other people. Jung noted that while few people are completely extroverted or introverted, everyone connects to one attitude a little bit more than the other.
Are Introverts Bad At Dating?
We have heard that men and women are from different planets, and if that is the case, then introverts and extroverts are from different solar systems. While a couple who share one of these traits tend to see eye-to-eye and have similar preferences, an extrovert and an introvert have to bridge their different personality traits if they are in a relationship. This often polarizing combination can be a challenge for a couple. While opposites attract, they can also be the cause of confusion and conflict.
What Do Introverts Need In A Relationship?
Well, they need to be able to feel a deep connection with their partner and engage in meaningful conversation. They also want to feel comfortable being in silence with their partner because silence is something that they enjoy when they are alone. With that said, it is also important to give introverts their space and time to wind down after socializing. They also like to have their space to do their own thing and focus on their own hobbies. When in a relationship, introverts need to be able to tell their partner that they would rather stay in one night or see their very best friend alone — without wounding their partner or feeling guilty. However, introverts should also be willing to compromise and accommodate their extroverted partner’s needs as well. But because there are fewer introverts in the world, and they are less understood in general, it’s helpful for extroverts to be mindful and compassionate when dating an introvert.
How To Date An Introvert: 19 Tips You Need To Know
1. Don’t Take Your Introvert to a Crowded Party
Introverts aren’t usually huge fans of crowds and loud noises, and they can feel put off by small talk. Introverts would rather have close and intimate conversations, and a crowded party environment is not the best setting for that. If you do want to ask your introvert to a party, be sure to ask him or her first, and find out how long your date can tolerate being there.
2. Speaking of Small Talk — Avoid It
Because introverts have limited energy, they don’t want to waste it on something that isn’t meaningful. Introverts prefer deep conversations that are sincere and foster a connection. This is how introverts form their lasting bonds with their partners.
3. Introverts Don’t Like Talking on the Phone
Sure, it was one thing before people were able to text, but now, phone calls are seen as intrusive. It interrupts your introverted date from whatever they are doing and catches them off-guard. If you call, have a specific reason and get to the point quickly. Don’t be shocked if the call goes to voicemail.
4. It’s Okay to Go Out Without Your Partner
Just because introverts need their quiet time does not mean that they expect you to stay home with them. While there are social situations the would rather avoid, they don’t want to hold you back from having your own fun. Just don’t try to force an introvert to go out when they don’t want to and don’t try to guilt trip them about staying home.
5. Introverts Want to Know You on a Deep Level
Introverts will introduce you to topics and ideas that you may otherwise not consider or think to discuss. Introverts have a lot of thoughts inside them that they want to share with others, so you should consider yourself lucky if you get to know an introvert on this level.
6. They Often Keep Thoughts to Themselves
Sometimes introverts would rather keep their thoughts to themselves. This is especially true if something is bothering them. Introverts don’t always like to share their feelings because it makes them feel vulnerable. Just be patient, loving, and supportive.
7. Introverts Can Be Very Creative
Introverts are usually really great at writing, art, and music. They have the ability to make sense out of the world through a creative lens. So, they bring their inner thoughts and feelings to life through their writing, painting, music, and various other forms of art. Your job as the romantic partner of an introvert is to appreciate this creativity and provide support and interest in their endeavors.
8. Introverts Are Very Self-Aware
Introverted people spend a lot of time analyzing themselves and are always in touch with their feelings. They know themselves in and out, and their contemplative nature suggests that they will never stop exploring their inner selves. You might be surprised by all of this self-analysis and wonder why your partner needs to contemplate everything so deeply. You may not prefer this much time “in your head,” but try to be patient with your partner’s need for this. If you notice that he or she is becoming agitated or depressed by ruminating too much, this is where your extroverted preferences can be of help. It’s time to take your partner out for some fun distraction.
9. Introverts Will Provide Unconditional Support
Introverts are loving, compassionate, and supportive beings. They are empathic and active listeners, and because they are deep thinkers, they will often understand your needs or inner feelings before you do. They may have spent a lot of time feeling misunderstood and stigmatized since Western culture prefers extroverts. As a result, they strive to be understanding and supportive — reflecting the way they want to be treated. Pay attention to the way your introvert shows you love and support, and offer this same “love language” back to them.
10. Introverts Don’t Like Leaving Their Comfort Zone
Introverts take a bit of extra time to warm up to new people and situations. When you are going out with an introvert, help them feel more comfortable by offering your support and being cognizant of their possible discomfort. Introduce them to new people and help get the conversation going. Try to be mindful of avoiding loud, overstimulating situations which introverts hate. This will help you gain an introvert’s trust.
11. They Don’t Mean to Come Off as Being Rude
Introverts don’t mean to seem rude or distant from other people. It just takes them some time to peel their layers and feel safe to be themselves. But once they open up, you will enjoy a deep level of emotional intimacy and some of the best conversations you’ve ever had.
12. Introverts Are Not Always Shy
Just because your date is introverted doesn’t mean that he or she is shy. Outgoing introverts do exist — I’m one of them! Shyness refers to feeling awkward and tense during social interactions, and not all introverts feel this way. They may be comfortable around other people, but they just need their alone time to balance it out. You might be surprised that your introverted partner chats it up like an extrovert at a party, only to announce before 10:00 pm that it’s time to go home. When they hit the wall, you’ll know it, so prepare yourself.
13. Introverts Are Okay If They Don’t Hear From You Every Day
This doesn’t mean they like you any less. They simply cherish their time of solitude to recuperate. However, this will make the time they spend with you that much better.
14. Skip the Surprises
Springing things on introverts at the last minute leads to anxiety. Little surprises may be fun every once in a while (like showing up to a planned date with flowers), but showing up at the front door without any advanced notice may be a bit much. And when it comes doing an activity, introverts would rather have time to mentally prepare themselves for whatever is to come.
15. Introverts Are Extremely Loyal
Introverts tend to avoid wasting their time. They don’t build relationships with everyone they meet. Once they get to know you and recognize that you have good intentions and are genuine, they will remain by your side for the long haul.
16. Introverts May Not Initiate Sex
While introverts are extremely aware of their own thoughts, they can be less in-tuned to what you are thinking. They don’t like to make themselves vulnerable or put themselves at risk of rejection. If you think you are both feeling it, it may be on you to make the first move. But remember, introverts want something meaningful and intimate — not just a satisfying physical encounter.
17. Your Partner May Be Hiding His or Her Introversion
Because our culture tends to favor those with louder, more sociable personalities, many introverts feel like they have to pretend to be extroverted to succeed. If you meet someone who is initially outgoing and gregarious but suddenly retreats for a few days, don’t assume the worst. He or she might not be playing games but rather is an introvert in need of a recharge. It never hurts to ask your love interest more about his or her personality preferences and to offer reassurance that you are fine with having an introverted partner.
18. Don’t Try to “Fix” Them
People on different sides of the introvert-to-extrovert spectrum need compromise, respect, and understanding. Unless your partner specifically asks for help in being more outgoing, don’t assume that they are dissatisfied with the way they are. Both of you should be willing to talk about your different traits and preferences and work on ways to compromise in meeting each other’s needs. 10 Signs You Are The Rarest Personality Type In The World 11 Clues That You Are An Outgoing Introvert 4 Common Communication Styles In Relationships And The Workplace
19. They Just Want to Feel Safe
Introverts love safety and security. They like the predictable and routine. They don’t really want to be “kept on their toes” all the time but rather need some time to adjust and adapt. If you respect these boundaries, and you will find that dating an introvert is uniquely enjoyable and satisfying on a deeper level than you can imagine. After all, appreciating that we are all different and have different social needs is an important part of succeeding in a long-term relationship. Accept and embrace each other’s differences and learn to understand them rather than question them. There is nothing better than clear and honest communication in any relationship. Remember to do a lot of mutual sharing and listening so you can avoid conflict and enjoy the thrill of a new love relationship. Are you an introvert dating an extrovert or an extrovert in a relationship with an introvert?
